I was 18 and I was in a high-school. I was full of energy but always tired. I had to get up early 5:30 in the morning and reach the school by 6:30 AM. Whenever I tried to concentrate on anything, I started yawning and felt sleepy. The class used to end around 10:30 but I always needed a nap when I reached home after lunch.
This was my everyday morning routine. I think for most of my classmates’ too. There was a time when I sometimes woke up even in the Saturday Morning (During Holiday) by accident (thinking that day was the school day) and started to put on the Uniform. I miss those days, though. Getting up from the bed during the cold winter morning was the worst. The cold water, cold wind, and the cold feet. I hated everything. I always knew I wasn’t made for Winter. What I hated the most was, the temperature was always below my age. I reiterate again, I was 18 back then.
Truth be told, I could even feel the cold blood running through my veins. But still, you have a strong desire to sleep even in the frosty morning. No matter what. But there was a least somnolence in me; or at least, some part of me awoke which slumbers all the rest of the dawn. My yearning for sleep in the class faded all the fears and feelings. I could even sleep with eyes wide open like a fish while the teachers were teaching. For them, I never existed because I neither did ask them question nor did they.
Although we all shared the same classroom, I never existed to most of the girls too. I was like a ghost. We were a total of 30 students in a class and I was least popular in the class. I always hated the word “Popular“. With boys, YES. They liked my sense of humor. Or at least they laughed at my terrible jokes whether they meant or not. But it seemed real. Why would they fake it ? Or why not ? I don’t know. I will ask them if I am ever going to meet them again.
The days went by but they felt like hours. I didn’t want to lose my friends. I think nobody did either. Eventually, after two years of sophomore year, everyone was going to choose their own path. Everything changed. But I had never thought that the day would come when I wouldn’t miss my old friends anymore. They were only on my facebook friend list. Now they are not because I have deactivated the old one. Now, they are not on my friend list and I guess never will be. I have lost 100% of my old high school friends which I am not proud of but that’s life. I’m OK. I don’t miss them either. I confess, everything changed after high school. I don’t hate my old friends, I just don’t miss them. 😀
Then I joined a 4-year Undergraduate degree. I reiterate, those 4 years were the best days of my life. It was always fun. I had my first beer with my friends. I can relate that they were more mature, funnier, and friendly than all my previous friends. We traveled to new places together which I had never been. We studied together for exams. We even cheated together during the exam. I still miss some of my friends. They were not best but I miss them. I have lived 1/3rd of my life. Yet to live more. I will have more friends.
And Bachelors was also finally over. 4 years seemed like just a year. When you realize that the world is changing around you faster than you think, you are wasted. So what changed ? Nothing. Except I earned a bachelor degree certificate and grew a long hair at that time. After college, some friends of mine got married where I wasn’t even invited. And I don’t care because I hate weddings. I was not close to them either. Happy married life buddies !!
What I think now is I have lost 99% of my friends that I had. The rest 1% are still in touch with me. Things are different now. The saying “The time heals all the wounds” has transitioned to “The time wounds all the heals” for me. Nothing is true anymore ( Still, I have my bachelor degree certificate which may one day expire if the corrupt government changes). Who knows? I used to listen to the Metallica song “And nothing else matters“. Now, I finally know I know why they wrote it.
I think out loud sometimes “Man, nothing mattered when I was 18“. When I will be in my 30s, I would think my 20s life also wouldn’t be mattered. I will not matter to anyone, well, unless I become rich and famous one day. Also, I don’t regret my bad doings and decisions. They have made me even stronger.
But still, in the end, it doesn’t even matter. I have turned the pages, but not forgotten about it.